So Long, Its Been Good to Know You

 I know a woman a bit older than I am, in her 70s who is a self proclaimed "old hippy."  She is in pretty good health.  She lives alone.  She is very opposed to the COVID vaccine.  She has been isolating for the entire pandemic.  She wears a mask when in public.  She has been safe thus far.

But, I wonder what the end game is for her?  At some point it is hoped that the virus will become endemic instead of pandemic.  But, that still leaves her in the same place she was at the start of the pandemic.  There is a disease out there for which she has no immunity.  She is in one of the major groups that is severely effected by the virus due to her age and lack of exposure. Will she isolate for the rest of her life?  Will she wear a mask for the rest of her life?

Will she get the virus and die?  I really like this woman.  I worry for her.  I pray for her.

January, the Last

 So, January is finishing up.  It has been a challenging couple of years.  The challenges aren't over, but maybe they will be someday. I am declaring this day as I new start, a new year.  Pandemics, recede into the past. Pandemics, go away!

I have hopes for the rest of this year.  I plan to get healthy. I plan to travel.  I plan some home improvements. I plan with hope.

But, whatever the year brings, I will get through it. I will pray.  I will celebrate with joy.  January, I have high hopes for the rest of the year.

Wondering

 I am wondering how long this pandemic will keep on going? I don't know about you, but I am tired of it.

Booster

 As an almost 68 year old, I am eligible for a Covid vaccine booster. I debated whether I should wait a while.  I wondered how long this one would last.  But, I decided that I would take my chances and do it now.  I have high hopes that by spring the virus will be on thee run.  If it isn't, it may be a new variant and perhaps there would even be a different shot.  Who knows?  But, being protected now is the only thing I have control over.  So, I made an appointment and did it.

I was hoping to feel some side effects and I wasn't disappointed.  I felt achy and tired.  I had swollen lymph nodes.  I shivered a bit.   I hope that means that the vaccine took. All in all the small side effects were well worth it.

I wish more people would get the virus.  I haven't heard a lot of good arguments from the unvaccinated people I know. They think they will be protected.  They think the virus isn't that bad.  They think it shows support for the Republican Party. I really don't understand any of it. I know several people who have died from this virus. 

So, I got the booster.  It was so much easier than the first round.  I drove 100 miles one way for the first round, so 400 miles altogether.  I did that so I could go to Easter Mass.  It was worth it.  But, this time I was able to make an appointment the same day and drive about one mile to get the shot.  It was easy pea-sy lemon squeezy. What a difference 6 months makes.

Breakthrough

 I have a friend who got COVID in March 2020 and recovered without a lot of medical drama. But, from the symptoms especially taste and smell and coughing, she concluded that she had COVID.  The same friend got the 2 dose vaccine in February and March 2021.  She has still been fairly cautious in activities because she has elderly family members who she cares for.

Earlier this week she let me know that she has tested positive for COVID.  It is a breakthrough case. She is not terribly sick.  It is like a really bad cold. But, there is concern for the elderly in her care. They have also been vaccinated, but immunity is impaired as one ages.

This Delta variant is not something to mess with. It is scary.  I hope that everyone will take it seriously and get the shot.  I wish that half the people in my state would come around and be brave and try to protect us all.  Because almost half of us have done our part.

So, Last Week We All Got Sick

 My grandchildren came down with something last week.  It was a runny nose, coughing thing.  Early in the week my son and daughter in law developed the symptoms.  I had some mild symptoms, but I attributed the resistance to my many years in the public schools.  I had some immunity, or so I thought. Although it felt like a cold, my son had a Covid test just to make sure that it wasn't a breakthrough infection.  It came back negative.

Then, I went home Friday and I was sick.  No fever, just ample snot.  And headache.  But, no fever or chills and I could still smell and taste things. It was the same thing the kids had.  It was very probably a summer cold.  I just hadn't had a cold in well over a year so I was miserable.

For me the curious thing is not how I got this virus.  I got it from the kids. But, they are pretty cautious in their contacts.  They mask up, avoid crowds.  They don't go many places. This was a sneaky little virus that somebody passed on to them.

I hope that I am on the mend from this thing. I hope that we all are. Being sick is not fun.  Especially in a time of pandemic.

Hard to Love

 My state has less than 50% of the adults vaccinated.  So, it isn't surprising that I personally know people who have chosen to skip the shot.  Still, sometimes I am surprised. Why? Why?

Recently, I talked to a woman who has cancer (under control) and her husband has cancer (still working on the control).  Their senior in college daughter lives with them in the summer and works at a camp with unvaccinated kids.  She is going to become a teacher and will student teach in the upcoming school year.  And she chooses to skip the shot.  Her mother, who doesn't support her decision, says that the daughter's rationale is that she is being careful.  The parents are worried on a number of levels.  I would probably have told the girl that I loved her, but that she would have to stay elsewhere until she got the vaccine.  I still work on control issues.

I know some others who are skipping the shot.  I wish I could say that I heard sound reasoning on their parts, but I mainly heard excuses and that the government can't make me. I have to admit that I am working on love.  I am working on giving up judging and wanting to control people.  I realize that there is nothing I can do about these people.  My anger and even despair will not change their minds.

I felt a little hopeless when I concluded that all I can do is pray.  Yet, when I thought about it, prayer is probably the most powerful tool. I will pray for them. I will give them to God and put away my snarky comments and judgements.  I will pray for them.

Someday It Won't Be a Thing

I wonder how far into the future we will go before Covid is no longer a driving force in public and political life?  I wonder how long before masks are a thing of the past instead of a thing.  I wonder if we learned anything from all of this?  I wonder...... 

Man's Inhumanity

 I have read a lot about the Holocaust.  I have been to Dachau Concentration Camp in Germany.  I have visited Holocaust museums in Jerusalem, and Washington, DC. I have watched movies and documentaries and spoken with a survivor. I saw the number tattooed on his arm. (This is one reason I never wanted a tattoo.)

The Holocaust is awful, painful, horrible.  It is a hard subject to know about and to wrap one's head around.  How could anyone treat another person like that?  How could it have happened? How? It is beyond belief.

But, today, in this country, fascists under the guise of being conservatives are bandying Hitler and the Holocaust around comparing everything from requesting that people be vaccinated, to vaccine proof, to wearing masks to the Holocaust.  It is beyond belief.  It is horrifying that murdering millions, starving babies, gassing whole villages to death, experimenting on humans is being equated to a vaccine and actions to save people's lives.  

Clearly, there are many people who really don't know much about the Holocaust.  Clearly, there are people who need better educations.  Clearly, some people "be" crazy. 

The State of the State of COVID

 So, Missouri, the state in which I now reside, my home state, if you will has one of the lowest vaccine rates among the states.  But, on the positive side, we don't have one of the highest death rates in the country either. The five or so people I know who died of COVID don't count, I suppose, in the overall statistics.

Our governor, Jim Parsons, is a former rural lawman.  He seems to be a smart politician, if a poor COVID vaccine manager, in my opinion.  Like many of my fellows in this state, I took a long drive to get a shot to a county where vaccines were wasted compared to my county where vaccines were hard to find. Somebody did not know how to do the math.

But, Mr. Parsons is correct about one thing, Missourians will probably not respond in large numbers to "the government" knocking on their doors to get a vaccine.  And in the rural areas they live so far apart that it would be a waste of gasoline.

Carrot and the stick works best in my opinion.  Set a date to start charging for the vaccines, a time limit to get free shots, if you will.  Put up some billboards, have some celebrities encourage shots, have a popular sitcom have a character die from COVID because they didn't get the shot.

In the meantime, I think the ads for Branson should say--Come to Branson, get the virus. How brave are you?  Because for a while that southwest corner of Missouri had the highest rate of COVID infections in the country.

In the meantime, I am hanging out with vaccinated people. I wear a mask when I shop or go to church. And I pray a lot for people to get a whole lot smarter.

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel

 Well, it is official, Missouri, my state, is at the bottom of the states in percentage of people who are vaccinated. I worry about the surges that might bring the virus to me through all those unvaccinated people, even though I am vaccinated.  I worry about the medical people who have to deal with all of those potentially sick people. I worry about the kids who can't be vaccinated yet. I worry about the people themselves who are foolishly (in my opinion) leaving themselves open to a life threatening illness.

If I ran the state, I wouldn't offer a lottery or payment to the unvaccinated.  I would announce that after July 31 the vaccine would cost $500.  A lot of on the fence people would line up to get the shot before it cost them something. I think that would motivate some of the people I know who think that they are being smart delaying the jab.

But, perhaps the powers that be have already considered that option and there is some reason it wouldn't work.  I don't run the state, thank God.  All I can say is, right now we are scraping the bottom of the barrel and it makes me sad.

Ding Dong

 Today my prayer group will meet in person for the first time in over a year.  We will ring the doorbell and go in or maybe through.  The idea is to meet on the back deck unless the weather is too hot.  This is an exciting idea, to see people in person.  I can't wait.

I never thought I would see a pandemic in my lifetime that changed life as I knew it. I suppose no one expects such things.  But, it seems incredible that the whole world was infected by this virus.  It seems incredible that so many people are still suffering.

We, humanity, need a miracle, that all people might have the opportunity to be vaccinated against this virus.  I pray.  But, today, I am excited to go "ding, dong" to someone's door and see my people in person.

Internet Meetings

 I just have to say, I am sick of internet meetings.  Last year when my groups started to meet on Zoom, it seemed like such a blessing.  It was, it really was, since we couldn't be together in person.  I have enjoyed those meetings for the most part, but lately I find myself tuning out.  It is getting hard to see people in a tiny box on a screen.  It is hard not to have a quiet conversation like you might have during clean up.  I hope that we are approaching the end of the pandemic.  I hope that the no mask recommendation holds.  I hope that I am not reading about another wave of the virus.  I hope the whole world gets protected. Because I am really almost done with Zoom meetings.

Suddenly, the World Changed

 Remember how the pandemic hit?  At first it was just--wash your hands, use hand sanitizer, and wipes. Then it was distance, stay outside, and finally wear masks.  When the shut downs happened it seemed to me that it  would surely be over in a few weeks, a few months at most. As the months dragged on it seemed that it would never be over.

Then the vaccine was invented and approved.  Then numbers started to fall.  Finally I was able to have the vaccine.  I drove across the state, 400 miles in all to get both doses in time to be at Mass for Easter.  It was worth it.  Being back at Mass is the biggest joy, the best blessing of the vaccine.

I never really wore a mask outside.  I walk around the neighborhood by myself and even though I have spoken to a few people, a mask never seemed necessary to me. I always wore a mask inside except in my bubble.  I felt angry and fearful of the people who chose to ignore the mask mandates.

Now, the CDC says we are all okay, we vaccinated folks, to go without masks. What does that mean?  I don't know how to do that.  I don't know how to feel about it.  So many people in my state are choosing not to be vaccinated.  I am a little worried about them, a little worried for them.  But, what other people choose to do is not really my problem.  It is suddenly a different world out there.

Social Animal

 Now that I have had the vaccine and before a booster is needed, it is time to think about reclaiming parts of my life that I have missed. I am regularly attending Mass again.  I feel so blessed to be inside the actual church.  I long for the time when all the pews are full and people have donut Sunday visits.  Whenever that starts again, I plan to go.

But, Mass is just a tiny fraction of the weekend.  And weekends are long.  I find myself not getting bored, but getting sad on weekends.  I haven't been able to have my grandson come play with me lately because of the demands of potty training. There are other activities that I used to do that haven't really started back yet.  There are some things that I don't feel comfortable with yet. /and sometimes I find myself with long lonely weekends.

I read something lately and I can't remember where, but it talked about how happy times are more enjoyable when shared with others.  That troubles are more tolerable when shared.  That capacity for joy was expanded when shared with others.  And that others thing is exactly where my problem lies.  

I still have a lot of Zoom meetings.  I talk to a friend on the phone once a week. I take care of my grandchildren during the weekdays and my son and daughter in law are there working and I see them on breaks and at their lunches. I am blessed compared to many people during this pandemic.  I have a large bubble.

But, classes or clubs or organizations or libraries or lunches with friends, I want those.  I want to be out among people.  I am going to work to overcome my naturally reserved nature and be friendly.  Human beings are social animals.  It is not good for man to be alone, or woman either.  I can't wait. I won't wait.

World Opening Up

 I feel sorry for the people who have chosen not to get a vaccine.  If they can't have one for some reason, I feel sorry for them too.  The vaccine for me lifted me up from isolation and fear.  This is not a virus that I wanted to have. Since I had the vaccine and have waited the appropriate time frame, I am living a little.

Going back to church was one of the first things I did.  I have never enjoyed Mass more.  It seemed so profound, even socially distanced and double masked.  Every week, I can now go to Mass every week. What a gift.

I visited a few stores.  I have been grocery shopping once a week, but that was pretty much it.  I have been to the fabric store, the hardware store, a pharmacy and a pet store since I completed the vaccine. I am happy to be double masked.  I hope that I am pretty safe in my store visits. I try to be socially distanced and not to stay longer than necessary.

I am not sure where else I might go.  The pandemic is still raging.  I fear that we will be in phase two awaiting a booster shot before long. I am very aware that I am not completely safe.  But I feel safe-ish. And people I love are getting the vaccine.

This has been a scary year.  The news was extremely grim a year ago.  I have buried a few people in the past year before their time.  None of them were extremely close to me, but they will be missed by me.  And I have had some friends and family suffer from this virus.  Some of them are still suffering after effects.  

But, for me, the world is starting to open up.  I imagine places I might want to go and people I might want to see.  I am making some tentative plans.  It is a wonderful thing, to have the world opening up again.

Ice, Ice, Baby

 At the beginning of the pandemic we didn't know much about the virus.  At first they told us not to wear masks and then they told us to wear them and then they told us to wear two masks. I read whatever information was available and tried to discern what advice made sense and came from a reliable source.  I bought antacids and zinc tablets and vitamin D. I kept hand sanitizer in the car.  I went grocery shopping only once a week in the early morning hours.  

One thing I read from some researcher who worked in studying viruses was that ice drinks might be unhealthy for various reasons.  Viruses are preserved in cold.  They might move to the back the throat with a cold beverage. Iced beverages were something the researcher was avoiding, he said.  So, I decided that I would avoid iced beverages also.  I had tap water, not cold water. At first it seemed really hard to not ice my drinks.  But, I got used to it.

But, now that I am completely immunized, I had ice tea for Easter.  It felt strange and a little daring.  I have gotten used to warm or tepid drinks.  But, I decided that I may let myself go and ice up again these days. It feels good to get back to normal, familiar activities.  Ice tea is just the tip of the ice berg, so to speak.  

Money, Money, Money

A year ago I got some cash at the ATM when my brothers came to visit from out of town.  I prefer to use cash at restaurants.  I have had information stolen using credit cards at restaurants on more than one occasion and I just don't do it unless I have to.  So, a year ago I got more cash than I usually carry.  I used some of it while the boys were here. (Isn't is grand to call 60 somethings the boys?)

But, in the months following their visit, the world shut down.  I picked up drive through at McDonalds once and paid cash.  I contributed to a couple of things.  I have hidden some of the money so that I am not carrying it around.  I hope that I remember where I put it.  But, in the past year I have used credit cards for everything.

When I start eating out again or paying for admissions to places I expect that I will start to use cash again.  That will happen someday.  But, I find it very convenient to pull out the plastic to pay for things.  I have come to think of money as dirty or germy.  I suspect I will always carry hand sanitizer as life goes forward.  

Money, cash, dollars and cents, another thing the pandemic has caused me to pause.

Covid Container

 Early in the pandemic I started a tub of supplies that I thought I might need if I came down with Covid.  I read articles and listened to people talk about the things that helped them to survive.  I started to assemble things that I thought might help if the worst struck.

I ordered an oxygen finger thing that is unopened.  Some articles I read indicated that knowing that number was important to assess whether or not I might need hospitalization if I got the virus.  I already had a thermometer.  I got some aspirin. some tums, some zinc tablets, and vitamin D because those things were mentioned somewhere as aides in recovery.  I got pineapple, applesauce, peaches, fruit juice, and other juices in case I couldn't eat really solid foods.  I bought some canned soups and crackers. I made sure that I had lots of tea bags because for me, tea is essential to life.

Now that I have had the second dose of the Covid vaccine I am feeling like my pandemic tub of supplies is less and less necessary.  I am starting to take it apart and use the things I can.  I think that I might want to tuck into that canned soup before the weather gets hot. My Covid container was an insurance policy that I might have some things I needed if worse came to worst. Praise God, I never needed it.

Feels Like Freedom

 On Saturday I got my second dose of the COVID vaccine.  A year ago I remember reading more and more terrifying stories about this virus.  I felt like it was coming for me.  I was scared. I learned to make masks and then to double up on masks.  I learned to shop for groceries once a week in the early morning and that was it, if I forgot something, it would have to wait until the next week.  I learned to keep in my bubble and trust my bubble.

But, it wasn't all bad.  I learned to wait and to live without things I thought I wanted. I started walking the neighborhood and I met more neighbors.  I longed for the day when I could once again go to church. I reconnected with some old friends. I learned to Zoom.  I was daycare for my grandchildren and was the only grandparent who got to know my granddaughter before she was over a year old. I discovered weighted blankets and humidifiers.

But, slowly, as the world comes back to whatever the new normal will be, I hope to rejoin life.  I hope to get more active with my church.  I hope to finally clean and organize my house (LOL).  I plan to be more intentional, more meditative, more deliberate with life going forward. I have some dreams, camping, traveling, getting a dog, changes for my house and I will have to consider which of those are possible and desirable now that I have options. A year ago I had very serious concerns whether I would be alive in a year, But, here I am, alive and kicking. And I have had a shot that feels like freedom.