Putting It In Writing

 I found some old cards and letters the other day.  I used to send a lot of cards and letters to people.  Some of those have ended up back in my possession. There are some of those that I don't intend to leave for history. I was very into trying to express love by sending cards and letters back in the day. I was in love with love.  I thought people would love me if I told them I loved them.

I am just thankful that I have had the opportunity to edit my history and destroy the evidence.  I think someone reading the letters would not not know my mind which was not as "in love" as I sounded.  I think the interesting thing is that although I wrote many many notes, I received very few.  I think that shows me how one sided the relationship was.  I gave and gave and gave and others took and took and took.

I am much more cautious these days about what I put into writing.  I have discovered that it sometimes it can be used against you in a court of law. Figuratively. 

Oopsy

 One or two or none of you may have noticed that I was late posting on Wednesday.  I didn't do posts for the week as I usually do and I forgot to check that on Tuesday.  So, I got a post up on Wednesday. late, because I don't seem to be the kind of person who can just go, "Oh, well." 

I babysat for the grandchildren on Monday so that the parents could go out to lunch together.  It was fun to be back with the kids again.  The granddaughter is changing so much. She feels bigger and taller and uses more words to communicate and cries to get her way.

But, the biggest surprise for me was lunch.  When she had apparently eaten what she wanted she began picking food up and smearing it on the table.  This didn't go too far before I lifted her down from the table and told her that she was done.

When recounting this to the parents, my son asked whether she flipped over her plate.  I said that I didn't give her the chance to do that.  And I stopped at that.  I didn't say, "You need to stop that behavior." or "I wouldn't put up with that."  It is part of my new policy of keeping my opinions to myself.  But, to myself I thought, "I hope that she stops that behavior before she gets to be a teenager."

Imaginary Dog

 I am still walking that imaginary dog nearly every day.  I think and think about whether I want to get a real dog someday.  I have imagined that the dogs I see with other people were mine and imagine how I would feel about those dogs.

In my neighborhood there seem to be a mixture of pound puppies, mixed breeds and large purebreds.  There are more golden retrievers than any other kind of dog out walking their people.  There are some poo dogs.  I like those, but so many of those are puppy mill dogs that I hate to consider them. Right now I am focused on the idea of either a rescue dog or a purebred dog by someone who shows dogs.  I don't consider show dogs to be puppy mill dogs in most cases.

Looking at the shelter dogs on line, the vast majority of dogs on offer are pit bull or lab mixes.  I want neither of those.  They are too big for me, for one thing. Unless I get my yard fenced, I am not eligible to adopt shelter dogs anyway.  But, I don't discount that the perfect dog for me might show up at a shelter if I keep looking.  I am planning on fencing my yard anyway.

I have looked at the AKC site where I hope there may be less of the puppy mill situation.  I am thinking about a poodle, a cocker spaniel, or some other small lap dog.  I have some allergies, so I am keeping that in mind. I found a local breeder of English cocker spaniels and I am considering that option.  I want a dog that would be good with the grandchildren.  I might like a dog that I could train and take to nursing homes or hospitals.  

But, the dog is still imaginary. I haven't decided to get one yet.  I might.  Or I might not.  But, I am waiting until after the pandemic for sure.  Training, vet visits, I don't need that right now. So, for now I will keep walking my imaginary dog. I think she is called Taffy.

In A Hurry

 I don't do well when I am in a hurry.  I have made some terrible mistakes.  I need to remind myself to slow down.  I need to remember that a missed opportunity will probably come again. I need to remember that mistakes made in a hurry just slow everything down. I can think of lots of examples.  Lots of examples.

I was in a hurry to get married.  Not that I was a teenage bride.  I was 25 years old.  I hadn't been in a hurry to get married until a doctor told me that if I ever wanted to have children I needed to have them sooner rather than later.  I wasn't even dating anyone at the time I heard those words.  But a year later I was married. Not that my son was a mistake.  He was born before I was 30 and he was the only baby I could have.  But, the marriage, it was a mistake.  I married someone I didn't know and had nothing in common with. I dated, got engaged and got married in lightning speed.  I paid for that mistake for decades.

On my 50th birthday I was packing for a retreat and I was in a hurry.  In the dark basement I hit a weight bar with my right little toe.  You might say, stubbed my toe, but it was more than that.  It became a neuroma that a foot doctor had to inject with something to deflate it.  I walked in pain for more than 6 months from that hurry, hurry, hurry incident.

I can think of numerous other examples, a back injury because I wouldn't wait for someone to help me lift something, some broken dishes and glasses, spilled things, lost things.  I need to slow down.  I need to stop.

But, the most recent incident has perhaps taught me my lesson in this.  Last week I had a Zoom meeting to get to and I was running late.  I had not eaten dinner.  I grabbed some BBQ pulled pork and threw it into the microwave. I really don't remember how long I cooked it.  When I am in a hurry, paying attention is a problem.  Anyway as I ate it, I noticed that the inside of the serving was still cold. I thought to myself, "I hope this doesn't make me sick."  Well, it did. I suffered for a couple of days from that hurry up incident.

Oh, how I hope that I can learn to slow down and pay attention.  Being in a hurry has hardly ever paid off for me.  I think I will try to give it up for Lent this year.

Monday REminders

Wear your mask. Amen

Waiting

Tick tick tick.. My city had 4th of July fireworks and a several weekends long carnival with rides, etc.  I think, I hope it finished yesterday.  There were supposed to be masks and social distancing, but it wasn't enforced. I saw footage of it and it looked like every carnival I have ever seen, no masks, no distance.  Lots and lots of people went.

My county is across the wide muddy river from one of the highest rates of the virus in the state.  It has been tamped down and it is ravaging the rural and western counties in my state more now, but right across the river there are still high numbers of cases.  In my county, the toll was low, so far.  Lots of people died in a couple of nursing homes, but not much more than that.  In consequence, a great number of people don't wear masks, don't socially distance, congregate in parties.  My city was the first to open the pools in the area.  Apparently a lot of people aren't very worried about this virus.

I am.  An invisible invader for which there is no cure, no real proven treatment?  I am concerned.  I would be less so if people would just wear masks, just socially distance, but they don't.  If this virus acts the way I think it does, I am waiting for a jump in our virus cases.  Of course, lots of people who came to the carnival and fireworks came from other places and they will take it back to those places, so perhaps our numbers won't jump. Lots of them were young and they won't feel the effects, they will give it to their elderly relatives and neighbors. But, I suspect the numbers in this county will jump too.  I doubt that we are immune.

I hate slow motion disasters.  I would rather get a quick hit and have it over like a tornado instead of a hurricane, a lightning strike instead of a flood.  But, the virus doesn't work this way.  It is slow and deadly.  So, I wait.  I considered going back to Mass, but I hear now that masks will be optional.  I waited too long.  I just hope that the online Masses continue and I will make myself satisfied with that.  And pray for a vaccine.

Cha Cha Cha

I am no dancer.  But, I feel as though I do the cha cha sometimes.  You know, the dance that goes two steps forward, one step back.  If that is wrong, please note the original statement, I am no dancer.  But, surely I am not the only person who does the cha cha, while trying to accomplish something.

So many examples.  Changing my mom's address is the one that is coming to mind right now.  She is nearly 100 years old.  They think that she has an internet account or even a phone number?  But for pensions to keep on coming, there needs to be an address change.  Most of the places I have to contact do not want an agent of the person, they want the person.  I dare them to have a great insightful conversation with my mom these days, and even if they do, I bet you a cookie that my mom won't remember 2 minutes after the phone call that she talked to anyone about anything.  I tried to do  websites and I am locked out of two places.  They are closed.  I will have to call tomorrow. It will all turn out in the end.  It is just frustrating. One step forward, two steps back.

I had the gutters on my house replaced last week.  The new downspouts don't aim properly.  So, I got some extenders to fix the problem today.  I just back in the house from replacing the downspouts when the termite guy came.  He was checking the traps.  He moved the downspouts and drain board things.  So, I need to figure out how to replace them for termite trap optimization and sending water away from the house. The way he placed them won't work for me.  Cha cha cha. 

I many times resist fixing something or starting a new project because of the cha cha that I have to do.  What is the use?  Everything has to be done again and again and again.  But, life requires a little dancing.  It all can't be waltzes or jitterbugs.  Sometimes or maybe usually, I just have to knuckle down and do the cha cha cha.