We are approaching my mom's 100th birthday. I reflect that it is lucky that she was in her 30s before she started having children because my siblings and I are all younger than you might think. I could be going on 80 instead of nearing 70 which would make a 100th birthday party for Mom a bit harder. And, yes, we are planning a party, or I should say, my sister is. Mom lives with her, so it is only fair. (Or not, but I live 100 miles away so I haven't had much "hands on" with this party.)
I can't help but reflect on Mom's birthdays over the years. My siblings and I had a big party for Mom for her 80th. We rented a room. We made speeches. We invited people from far and wide. We had food and a cake and events. It was a blow out. I remember my mom made a speech about it being her last party because she didn't expect to see 90. She was wrong on that score.
Then at 90 we had another bash. We once again rented a space, had food and cake and events. All Mom's siblings were still alive for that party. She was the oldest in her family. Aunt Hazel, Mom's sister, was battling cancer and passed away later that summer. Mom was doing great and it was a fun event. It was a lot of work, but it was a milestone. Mom was still driving and shopping and cooking at 90.
Mom moved closer to me and away from the community where she had lived most of her life when she was 94. We convinced her to give up the car. She was still in independent living. It seemed that maybe public parties were over. The family came in and we celebrated, but not the big bashes we had for the 80th and the 90th. And then we moved Mom to an assisted living closer to my sister a few years after that. (It was a struggle to get her to agree to move from Illinois to Missouri.)
A couple of years ago, before the pandemic, my sister hosted a 98th birthday party for Mom. We really didn't think many would attend. All of Mom's siblings and most of her friends have passed away. But, former pupils (Mom was a teacher for many years) came out of the woodwork and cousins we hadn't seen in years.
So, a year ago in the midst of the pandemic, we moved Mom out of assisted living and into my sister's house. Mom has the master bedroom. It think it is a big sacrifice for my sister and her husband, but so far they are okay with it. And sister is planning a party aswe come out of this pandemic. This is in part because of the family members who attended the 80th, 90th and 98th parties and have expressed a desire to be invited if we do something for the 100th. In fact I don't think there was an "if" in there. There is an expectation. We have a shelter house reserved and hope for decent weather.
Mom hears poorly and is sometimes confused. Her short term memory is shot. But, she still knows us and can carry on a conversation. She still enjoys a party. So, we are having one. But, I can't help reflect that we started too early on that last birthday party. Mom was saying her final good byes 20 years ago. We started that too soon. It is a long drawn out good bye.
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