Sameness

 Days have a certain sameness during this pandemic. I sometimes have big startling plans, but I don't generally act on them. I think about going places, faraway and close by.  But, I don't go anywhere accept to my son's house, the doctor's office on occasion and the grocery store weekly. I could go hiking probably safely, but what if I need to use a restroom? I could get drive through or pick up food, but I haven't so far. I so look forward to going places again.

I have some work I would like to have done around my house. I need a tree to replace the ash I had cut down in the front yard. I would like to have a back door replaced.  It leaks in air.  I want a door into my garage and a fence around the backyard for the imaginary dog.  Or the real one, if I go that route. I need to have a plumber do some work. I would like a large rug for my bedroom, but perhaps we are getting too personal here.  I don't do any of that. It would involve talking to people, having them in or at my house, and why risk it?

I am trying to learn to appreciate the subtle differences in days.  I am trying to appreciate the small joys.  A flock of robins in the front yard would not even be noticed in the busier days of the past.  Today I noticed them.  I wondered if they live around here or are just passing through. I have watched the creek that I walk to most days freeze and thaw with the variable weather. What I have decided is, this awareness takes practice, it takes concentration and prompts from myself to myself.

These days that seem to be so unremarkable are my life.  I am not waiting to live, I am living. I want to breathe in the cold January air and feel alive.  I want to think about who I am and what I believe and not about all the endless things I used to do. I want to notice and remark on these days.