Being Productive

 I learned early in life that I was expected to be "productive."  I was expected to have something to show for my day. Then I married a chief productivity officer and any training I had about being productive went on steroids. I used to review my day so that my tongue was at the ready when I was asked what I accomplished that day.  I never accomplished enough or the right things, but that is another story. The long and the short of it is that I have a hard time enjoying a day. If I don't do something that I could count as accomplishing something, I chide myself for wasting time, for being lazy. 

But, there is doing something and there is doing something. I know, I repeated  myself. I am trying to relearn the joy in just living through a day. Before the pandemic life could be busy and full of nothing really, I was more okay with going out and doing something entertaining. That might include shopping or visiting a museum or seeing a friend. But, I don't do much of that "normal" stuff anymore.  I grocery shop, take care of my grandchildren and walk in the neighborhood.  Every so often I see a dentist or a doctor.  That is life.

The point is, I spend a lot of time at home. I spend most of my time at home by myself.  I have lots to do.  There is stuff to sort and clean.  I have a lot of stuff to get rid of, but I am not really good at spending an entire day doing any of that. I get overwhelmed easily and start to get depressed.  I need some fun, some diversions.  So, I have been trying some things, jigsaw puzzles, pencil puzzles, reading, viewing movies, history research, in addition to my quilting. I don't consider those things productive.  But, I am learning to be okay with that.  It is not necessary or even desirable to be productive all the time.  Sometimes the soul, the mind, the spirit, the body need rest and refreshment.