Slow Down

 If 2020 has taught me anything, it is to slow down.  It has taught me to think.  It has taught me that I am not in control, I am powerless.  It has taught me to let go. This pandemic has caused me loneliness and longing in ways that I had not previously experienced.  I have learned so things about myself.  I have drawn some conclusions about things I hope to change.

I have concluded that I used to use shopping as a way to combat loneliness and isolation. I used shopping instead of making meaningful connections because it was easier.  It isn't as though I bought a lot of things.  I did buy more fabric than I will ever be able to sew because the fabric store was one of my favorite hangout spots on a lonely day.  I can't do that anymore because looking at things I don't need and exposing myself to possible infection is just stupid in my book.

I long for church, the whole thing. I cooked for funeral luncheons and I miss that.  I used to do a Bible study and sign up for various seminars and I miss that. I have very carefully chosen when I will appear at Mass.  I have gone to a few daily Masses.  I went to Confession in September. But I miss church, and getting to know people in my congregation.

I want to travel again.  I have friends I want to see.  I have places I want to go.  I want to eat in restaurants and go to museums.  I want to see and learn new things.  Travel was a very important part of my existence and I want it back.

I have thought about what is important to me.  I have hoped that breathing will continue, and that this virus won't take my breath away.  I have looked at my fellow man and realized that there are a great many selfish and mean people around.  But, I have also realized that there are a great many kind and good people around. Stay home, socially distance, wear a mask.