Long Term Goals/ Short Term Goals

 Looking for something in the basement the other day I came across an old journal.  I have many, many old journals.  Some were started for a specific purpose and then abandoned, some were lost and abandoned, some were just abandoned. And some are completely full of entries, filling up years and decades of my life.  Those are the ones I need to find and burn before I die.  I really must get on that.

Anyway, this old journal I found was lovely.  It had a brown cover with a beautiful blue butterfly.  The paper was sturdy.  It was well bound. I had no memory of starting this journal. That isn't a sign of old age, as I mentioned, I have at least dozens of journals started and many abandoned in the basement. So, I checked this one out.  Many of the old journals had nothing in them and I thought if this was a blank one, perhaps I would take it and use it for something.

This journal surprised me.  It was started almost ten years ago.  In it I was trying to carry out a plan of long and short term goals to make my life more organized.  The first several pages were lists of goals long and short. I was, according to something I found in there, supposed to record something 5 times a day.  I quickly abandoned that plan and eventually started goals that were for several times a week.  Eventually they devolved into lists, like grocery lists or "to do" lists and finally the pages were blank.

I puzzle at why I thought such a thing would be a good idea.  The time I started it was a time I thought if I could improve myself somehow, I could save my marriage.  That was back in the day when I thought something I did could change another person. Giving up controlling other people has brought me peace and joy and happiness.  Changing who I am to satisfy someone else was a crazy idea.  I am giving up the crazy.  If there is something that I want to change, I will change it.  But, I will change it for me.