Teaching an Old Dog

I am an old dog learning new tricks. I have spent my entire life listening to the criticisms of people and taking these things to heart.  I have tried to change myself in a million different ways.  I suppose at the heart of it, I want people to like me.  But, for me it is something deeper, I feel that I am wrong and I need to change when I am criticized.

I have read that this isn't the right attitude to have.  I sometimes think I have changed. But, then I find myself right back in the middle of feeling hurt, defensive, and trying to change myself to meet the expectations of someone else.  I had an enlightenment a short while ago. 

In my life I have found that when God is trying to teach me something, it gets thrust in my path over and over until I get it.  That happened to me recently.  Somebody blamed me for something that truly and completely could not possibly have been my fault.  I didn't even know what to say.  I went to the bathroom and prayed and took my time.  Something I have known for a long long time became abundantly clear to me.  When someone is assigning me blame or criticizing me for something, it is more about them, their frustrations, their upbringing, who they are, than it is about me. It almost has nothing to do with me.

It became clear to me that it would probably be wasted effort to come out of the bathroom and argue with the person.  I prayed that if there was a chance to speak, then I would find the words.  And miraculously the opportunity came up that I could say the real thing that happened instead of the made up criticism that was being pointed at me. It came up in a way that I could gently state my case without anger or blaming and the person accepted what I said. Whether they had accepted it or argued against it, I had already decided that it wasn't about me.  It was that person's need to assign blame to things. It was about them.

While I realize that reading this fairly obscure story doesn't speak to the depth of my experience, trust me, it was big in my life. When I hear blame or criticism hurled at me, I have been able to consider the source and largely ignore it, or perhaps explain my position.  But, whether I explain my position or not and whether they accept that, it doesn't matter.  I don't have to make myself into a pretzel to please someone else.  I don't need to be liked.  I do insist on being respected.  I consider myself an old dog that is learning new tricks or perhaps a new way to live.