I Used To...

I am a stay at home girl these days and for the foreseeable future.  Even if they announced a vaccine tomorrow for this novel corona virus it would be a while before it would be available.  And I am not holding my breath that they will announce a vaccine tomorrow. Or the next day.  I am not young or even middle aged. I am over weight.  I skate the edge of health issues.  If I got the virus, I am afraid that it would be bad, very bad.

I lived a very first world life, still do.  But, I used to experience a lot of guilt about the ease and excesses of my life.  I knew that I was living well.  I appreciated it.  I tried to help out others where I could.  I sponsor a child through Unbound, an organization that I highly recommend.  I complained sometimes about things, but I live a good life.

The contrast for me these days is thinking about how to do things.  I can't just go to the store, the bank, church, the library the way I used to.  I am currently out of bananas and lettuce and a few other things, but I have milk and meat and lots of food, so should I risk a grocery trip?  I have been going to the grocery store only every 2 weeks at the early morning old people time, I went last week.  Should I take the risk again so soon?  I used to go to the grocery store without much thought.

It is a solitary lonely life these days.  I can't go to meetings. I am so very fortunate that I still watch my grandchild a few times a week.  I did daycare when his parents worked from home and when his sister was born, so we continue that. I do Zoom meetings a few times a week.  I watch Mass on YouTube. I have said a couple of things to neighbors, but we don't stand and chat the way we used to.  I had tickets to a play and free movie passes.  Who knows when those things might be possible again?

I still have a totally great life, but I miss the way it used to be. I miss the life I was used to.... I wonder how much of that life I will ever see again?