Thanks, Jen Fulwiler

Jennifer Fulwiler, Conversion Diarist, Radio Host, and Stand Up Comic has a new book out.  Your Blue Flame.  I loved her other two books, so I thought I would give it a try.  I wasn't sure that the topic suited me, but I was sure that the writing would be entertaining and that Jen would give me something to think about.

I got the book this weekend and I am not halfway through it yet, but what I have read so far has motivated me and changed my attitude and got me writing this blog again.  I answered the 7 questions on the cocktail napkins and it became obvious to me, that aching need in my life had a lot to do with abandoning this blog.  The great thing about the book is, you and you and you will not come to that same conclusion.  You will find different things when you answer the 7 questions.

For me, blogging was a lifeline.  From the time I started it made me feel alive.  I didn't really need anyone else to read it, I just needed to write.  I needed to write.  When I could have an updated blog post every day and when I figured out new things, like how to load photos or schedule posts I felt alive.  My life had meaning and focus.

I quit the blog a while ago because I was hurt very deeply by someone who used the blog to hurt me.  It really isn't relevant to explain.  I was hurt. I want to scream about the ways I was hurt, but I have reached a point where I can acknowledge, whether it was blog posts or something else, that person would have hurt me.  That need to hurt me has nothing to do with me and a lot to do with the other person.  I did nothing wrong.  But, I stopped blogging and then I tried to be very very careful about what I wrote to avoid or prevent being hurt again.

Reading the book about finding my blue flame reminded me that I love the blog, love to blog.  Even greater than the hurt caused by the person using the blog posts, was the pain of thinking that I couldn't blog because I would be hurt.  I will be hurt again.  I hope that a blog post won't be the cause, but even if it is, life is learning.  I love to write my thoughts and share my pictures on a blog.  Already, knowing that I can blog again makes me smile.  Blogging is my blue flame.