Everybody has their own form of crazy, as I call it. A nicer way to say it might be, people have their own way of dealing with stress, their own way of self soothing. Mine is escape. I get away for a while whether it is by shopping, or a walk or a trip, I need to leave. Then I can return again with a clear mind and heart. But going is an important part of handling stress for me.
Some people clean to handle stress. I have always been envious of those people. How nice to be stressed and have a clean house as a result. I can't even think straight when I am stressed, so cleaning and organizing don't go well. Usually I make an even bigger mess with no idea of how I did it or how to get out of the mess. It is not something I choose, it is the way my brain works.
So, if you are not a runner under stress, imagine how it is for me to be quarantining in this pandemic we are having. I seem to be making bigger and bigger messes. I need that tidying up lady to come over and give me advice. I have tried to "spark joy" but I don't think I get it. I just want to go shopping or for a walk or to Alaska.
But, I am not one of those people who is protesting the stay at home order. I feel that if this virus gets me it may very probably kill me. At very least I am afraid that I will get very sick and be in a lot of pain. I need to stay at home and avoid this thing if I can. But there are days when my mind gets a little crazy and I imagine driving off to someplace, think about who I could visit. Then I realize, nobody, that is who I can visit, nowhere, that is where I can go. The stores and restaurants will open around here soon, but I don't intend to visit them. I don't trust the virus to have gone away just because people are tired of it.
Staying home and making messier messes that is the plan for now. If I start really early in the day before my mind gets too busy and stop when I start to stress I can actually straighten and clean a bit. Right now I am hanging onto that. Do what I can and don't be hard on myself. It is the way my mind works and since I can't trade it in for a new one, I will just have to work with what I have.
1 comment:
My form of escape is scrapbooking, so that works well for me while we're in quarantine. I'm sorry you can't get out. I really enjoy your writing. Thank you for writing.
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