Alone

I am very fortunate to have many poems committed to memory.  It used to be a teaching style, that students would memorize and then write the poem for a grade in high school.  My English teacher in high school had taught my dad and not attended college in the intervening years, so she practiced very old style teaching.  I used to feel angry and frustrated that this was the main thing we did in English class. I wanted to write.  I wanted to learn to critique, but, no, I memorized poetry. It has served me well, despite my frustration.

One poem in my memory is the following by Siegfried Sassoon.  I learned the title as "Alone," but I am seeing other titles when I look up online.  I will call it "Alone."

When I'm alone' -- the words tripped off his tongue
As though to be alone were nothing strange.
'When I was young,' he said; 'when I was young . . .'

I thought of age, and loneliness, and change.
I thought how strange we grow when we're alone,
And how unlike the selves that meet, and talk,
And blow the candles out, and say good-night.
Alone . . . The word is life endured and known.
It is the stillness where our spirits walk
And all but inmost faith is overthrown.

This poem comes to my mind these days as I spend most of my time alone.  I loved this poem when I was young, living in a rural area without the ability to see friends very often.  There was one phone in the house, in the kitchen, so there wasn't a lot of time to have lengthy phone conversations either.  I was alone within my family.  There were siblings and parents but I identified with this poem despite that fact.  And today, I am old and truly alone most of the time. It resonates with me in different ways.  Age and loneliness and change, that describes me these days. Faith keeps me going.

Just on a side note, the poet lived a wild, gay life and converted to Catholicism shortly before he died.  He won't be a canonized saint, but there is hope.  There is always hope that he is numbered among the saints in heaven.