Control

I often excuse myself from being a person who likes control.  I think I am a laid back go with the flow type of girl.  I can keep that illusion going until something unexpected and out of my control rears its ugly head.  Cancer throws me into a fearful mess.  This virus has done the same thing.  I do all the safety measures.  I stay home most of the time.  I wear a mask and stay socially distanced.  I don't drink iced beverages.  I take some vitamin D.  I gargle.  But, despite all my safety measures, I realize I could get this virus and it could kill me.

The birds I acquired in April are giving me sinus issues.  I don't feel great most of the time.  I worry that it is the virus.  If it is, it is working very slowly.  I first started feeling yucky in mid-June.  I see the doctor in less than 2 weeks.  I may need antibiotics.  I can control my sinus issues by re-homing the birds.

But, the virus itself, I am powerless.  I read that 54% of the people who get the virus have no idea who gave it to them.  That is over half the people who got it from contact with some anonymous source.  Limiting those sources is the only thing that can reduce chances of getting the virus.  But, there is no way to totally be safe.  And that is the thing with me.  I want the rules that will totally make me safe.  I want control.

But, I am powerless.  I can do my best and hope I get lucky.  But, there is no surety.  Giving up control is hard.