Not A Perfectionist

I would argue that I am not a perfectionist.  I am not.  I am scattered and creative and messy.  I am not a perfectionist.  Or am I?  I am discovered that perfectionists come in a variety of shapes and sizes, so to speak.  I am not a neat, orderly perfectionist.  I am not a clean until I drop perfectionist.  So, that makes me not a perfectionist, right?

Recently I have discovered that this is perhaps wrong.  Perhaps I am more of a perfectionist than I realized or admitted.  I read somewhere that people who are creative or messy or "lack the cleaning gene" are sometimes more perfectionistic than their neat, orderly sisters.  I don't remember where I read this, but what I remember about it was that some perfectionists have trouble starting a task because the completion never measures up to their perfectionistic standards.  I don't remember the source because I rejected this idea. Wrong!  But, obviously it has stayed in my mind.

What I have discovered about myself during all this reflection time at home is, I am often discouraged from starting a task because I self defeat--I tell myself that I can't finish or it won't be right or I don't have what I need to do it.  I fall into negative self talk.  I defeat myself before I begin.  When I clean something I don't feel satisfaction about things looking better or more orderly.  I see the things that aren't right or the things that are not done.  I get no joy from cleaning or sorting.  I am too perfectionistic to enjoy a job well done, if it isn't perfect.

I have started a new strategy. I have tried recognizing my perfectionism and giving myself a pat on the back for every little start in the right direction.  I try to give myself affirmations instead of criticisms.  It is a tough road for me.  I am used to lecturing myself for my defects.  But, smile, instead I am trying to compliment myself for my perfectionism and acknowledge the effort, not focusing on what is yet to be done.