The Junk I Write

 Mostly this blog has been hastily written and poorly edited over the past year or so.  I used to work so hard at the blog.  But, the grandchildren have taken priority of late.  I am working harder than I worked during my career when I was paid, taking care of 2 children under 3 from 8 to 4 or 4:30 for five days a week. These days I work for fun and for free and I work harder than ever.  And I am getting old. I mainly only have the time and energy to write on weekends.  So, I throw together a week's worth of posts finishing up with the Sunday prayers, and that's it until next week.

I ask myself why I keep at it since I am not blogging to my own standard. I am a better thinker and a better writer than I have been showing myself to be.  But, I stopped blogging for a while and put the pause on various times and I really wasn't happy not to write.  I write a lot.  I keep a paper journal and I pray/write Lectio Divina every day.  I write other things when I have time, but most of my written stuff, nobody will ever see.  I like having the blog to have at least something published.

But, I hope a day is coming and not so far off when I will give up caring for my grandchildren and just be their grandma, and not their babysitter.  It was getting to be too much.  I realized that I have my limits and I had reached mine.  After my son and daughter in law have been vaccinated, I have asked them to find daycare for the kids. I need time to be me and not spend my days rinsing poopy diapers and trying to reason with a 2 year old or put a one year old to sleep. I love to play with the kids, but I have found it impossible to play all day.

In that future day I hope to write a better blog. I hope to research family history and maybe write a book.  I want to travel a little more.  I think of getting a dog and I think of not getting a dog.  I still have the birds (parakeets) and maybe if I had more time I could tame them. Anyway, there are lots of things that I would like to put my hand to before time runs out for me.  I will miss the grandchildren on a day to day basis, but I hope to still keep them in my life.  I do like to play with children.