I woke up from a dream this morning, or rather the alarm went off during a dream. It felt so real, and yet thinking about it, it was very far fetched. I knew immediately what it meant. I don't believe that it was an angel speaking to me or telling me to do something. It was me, wishing.
Anyway, the dream was about my friend L and I. We were running away. We were packing stuff up and trying to figure out how to carry it all. Somehow there were parents there, but they weren't my parents and I know her parents and they weren't her parents either, but parents. We kept eliminating things to take. We lightened our load. Then somehow we ran away and we were in a circle of people all holding hands and then my alarm went off.
When I woke up I wanted to go back to finish the dream. I wanted to finish running away. And then I knew. L's ovarian cancer has returned for the second time. The outlook is grim. L is only 53. She has a son with multiple handicaps. L and I were running away from cancer. If only it were that easy.
I really don't have faith struggles about why people die or where they go or why life is hard for some people more than others. I wasn't there when God made the mountains or the oceans. I don't understand the mysteries of life and death. I am good in the knowledge that L is going to a better place, whether it is soon or late. But, I also have human emotions. I am sad at the prospect of losing my friend. I long to do something to ease her time left, to fix it for her. I will do what I can, buy chicken soup, and mashed potatoes. Help her put her son to bed sometimes. I will pray. I will hope. I will encourage. But, if I could I would run away from cancer with her. I really would.