Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Father God

Some people say that they have a hard time relating to God because of a difficult relationship with their earthly father. I can understand that.  Some fathers are tough to like.  Some are abusive or severe.  Relating God to that person must be tough.  But, I had a great relationship with my dad.  To me he seemed always kind, patient and loving. I miss him these many years he has been gone.

As I drove away from taking my almost 96 year old mom shopping with relief because I got away without eating with her. I would have been happy to take her out for lunch, but watery left over soup from her dinner never appeals to me.  I am kind to my mom and as patient as I can be, but sometimes I inwardly cringe at the things she says and does for various reasons.

Up on the bridge over the Mississippi River at Alton as I headed home I had a long view of the trees leafing out and the expanse of sky with a smattering of clouds and it reminded me that it is Easter and the glory of the world was laid before me.  I praised God.  Then I wondered what God would think of me, running away and not spending my whole day with Mom and eating with her.

As I thought this, I thought of my dad.  He would be pleased with me.  I am taking care of my mom, his wife well.  He would want me to live my life and not give it all up to care for Mom.  Dad would tell me well done.  And then it hit me.  God loves me more than my dad did.  God would also say, well done.  God wants me to have a life and not just to take care of people. He would understand the conflict and difficulties I face as I negotiate my own life and support for Mom.

I realized that without really knowing it, I was also one of those people who had let myself have a distant relationship with God.  I thought He held me to a very high standard that I was unable to meet and therefore found me wanting.  And I realized that isn't true.  If God is merciful and full of compassion and love, then He doesn't judge me when I am trying to do my best to love others.  He wants the best for me.  He encourages and loves me through it all.

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