Monday, April 17, 2017

A Kiss Is Just a Kiss, A Sigh Is Just a Sigh

I have sometimes treated the loss of a baby as a turning point in my life, as a lesson from God, as an event of great significance. I had a hard time recovering, coming back from it.  Devastated doesn't even begin to explain the depths of my despair.  I recognize that event as the source of the depression that has weighed on me for years and years.

Over the years, as I gradually recovered, I was taught not to ask--why, Lord, why?  But rather--what can I learn from this?  What can I carry forward?  What was the lesson?  In is some way I suppose I blamed, credited, thought that God had allowed, planned, authored the events of that loss of the baby.  And although it was a tragedy, some wonderful miracles occurred and I found some peace.  And I decided that getting to Heaven someday to meet my baby was the most important thing along with raising the child I had. 

I found God in the midst of all the tragedy.  He was there.  Except in one instance.  The first thing that happened before all the hospitals and doctor's opinions was this--the dryer broke.  I never found peace about the dryer breaking.  It seemed an unnecessary cruelty and I knew God was not cruel.  The dryer, why the dryer?  Everything involved with that tragedy was all over by the time the dryer was fixed. Fixing it wasn't about money, it was just that poor me, I lived in Hawaii and it was too humid to dry anything without the dryer.  And my rich Uncle Sam who owned the dryer fixed it for free.

But, the lesson?  It suddenly hit me. Dryers break, stuff happens in the midst of tragedy and in the midst of glad tidings.  The dryer just happened to break, God didn't break it.  He didn't even really allow it to be broken at that time, it just broke then.  It could have happened a month or a year later and I wouldn't try to make something out of it.  Likewise, the baby wasn't a test or a lesson or an event the Lord had planned to test me.  It was one of those things, a tragedy for sure, but, stuff happens.  Dryers break, babies are lost, stuff happens in this life, God doesn't cause or prevent these things.  He is there, though.  He is there providing love. God has conquered the world and all of its troubles.

A kiss is just a kiss, a dryer is just a dryer......not special meaning, just learn to live and love better.

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