Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Possessed

Love, love, love......all you need is love.....love makes the world go round.....love your enemies and pray for those who would harm you......


I have struggled with the demands of love and the importance of boundaries through my life experiences.  What is love?  Does love permit boundaries?  What is the difference in the demands of love and possession?

In darker moments I consider myself a failure at love.  I tried to love someone by not seeking my own, by serving, by accepting what was offered, by not thinking about what was missing in my life.  I didn't do it perfectly by any means, but that is what I tried to do.  I have come to understand that the "I" referred to is ego, is self pride and self satisfaction.  I prayed for help, but I thought I could do this love thing. I thought that was my vocation, to do the hard thing, to love someone who was hard to love.

There was a lot of talk in that relationship about him loving me.  But, ultimately, I came to realize that the thing one has as a goal is the thing one treasures, one loves.  I was possessed, owned, but money was the love.  It is easy to say love, but not easy to do.  It is impossible to give love, if one has not received it in the nurturing toward adulthood.  I have come to understand that one can not give what one never had in the first place.

I still wonder at this, I wasn't really loved, I was possessed.  And once possession was taken away, all the money that could possibly be gotten was extorted from me.  I still wish him well, I really do.  I pray for him to be in heaven someday. I love my enemy and pray for the one who would harm me.

I am a little sad that I will probably never experience spousal love, the love that encourages and builds up.  I have experienced much other love in my life though. It feels good to be in the place I am now, not someone's possession, not shamed and blamed for every difficulty, for the hard parts of life.

The mercy and grace I feel now is more than enough, it is all I need. Love.

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

A friend posted this on Facebook today :).

God's Valentines for You
♥ No one has loved you longer than I have:
I loved you before you were born, before you were conceived,
before all time began...
♥ No one holds you closer than I do:
I'm right by your side 24/7/365,
I'm truly your BFF...
♥ No one loves you more faithfully than I do:
my love for you is unfailing,
I love you with no strings attached...
♥ No one loves you more wisely than I do:
I guide you through all of your troubles,
my wisdom and counsel are my gifts to you...
♥ No one loves you more mercifully than I do:
I freely forgive you and forgive you again,
I'll always give you a new beginning ...
♥ No one loves you more deeply than I do:
I dwell in your heart of hearts,
I make my home in the depths of your soul...
♥ No one loves you more joyfully than I do,
I delight in the person I made you to be,
I love you more than you know or imagine...
♥ No one loves you more passionately than I do,
I gave my Beloved out of love for you:
now I call you my chosen, my child, my own...
♥ No one loves you more graciously than I do:
I love you more than anyone else ever has,
ever can, ever could, ever will...
♥ No one loves you more fully than I do
for indeed, I Am Love: I abide in you
and you in me, for ever and ever. Amen.

Mary said...

Thanks for sharing that, it is lovely.