Wednesday, October 5, 2016

This Little Light of Mine

Shine, shine, shine.....I can only reflect God's glow, but even that much shining can light up the darkness. And the darkness is sin, anxiety, fear, hate, revenge.....I am trying to recognize and know the difference between feeling an emotion which can be neither good nor bad, and internalizing a deeper message of fear, or lack of trust, or dread.

One example for me is, just because a bad thing happens doesn't mean that everything from now on will be horrible.  A bad or unfortunate event doesn't mean I am being punished.  Tragedies don't just happen to bad people.  I don't deserve what I get.  I can be a very good person and suffer from the sins of others or the fallen nature of the world or my own human mistakes.

But, the truth is this, I am neither a very bad person, nor a very good person.  I am a sinner, but I don't wallow in the sin or excuse it.  I try to do better.  I am called to holiness and I try to listen to that call. 

And in this world bad things happen.  God doesn't make them happen or prevent them from happening.  Sometimes I accuse God of loving a good story so much that He allows interesting things to transpire that are not very much fun.  But, truth be told, I love a good story too and if my whole life were sunshine and rainbows, I would be bored out of my mind.

I am trying to feel and not deny my feelings.  I am trying not to blame others for the problems I encounter.  I am human, flesh and blood.  I make mistakes.  But, I can light the candle again.  I can sing "This little light of mine...."

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