Monday, June 20, 2016

Eating My Lunch

There is an expression that has nothing to do with consuming food, that is "It was eating my lunch."  This expression means, as I use it, that something is bothering me and rolling around in my brain and won't leave.  Often when something is eating my lunch it is because I have wronged someone or done something counter to my core values.  I have tried to operate that way, if something is eating my lunch, then I need to make some changes.

Recently, I have discovered that sometimes when something is eating my lunch, it is because I am letting myself be mistreated.  I let other people take my inventory, chew me up and spit me out, and manipulate and control me through their words and actions.  I thought I was at least partly to blame.  And I have discovered that I am, but not in the way I thought.  It is not appropriate to let anyone take one's inventory of flaws, weaknesses or the like.  Never.  It is not appropriate to let oneself be manipulated and controlled.  It is not appropriate to give up one's hopes, dreams, and future to serve someone else, unless that is one's choice.

One thing that is apparent to me is that I am not good at setting boundaries.  I set them, but when someone ignores the boundary I don't know what to do about it.  I get paralyzed.  I get walked all over.  I don't know what to do about that.  I will work on that with my counselor.

I am working on letting go and not letting the things someone else does eat my lunch.  I am working on setting boundaries and keeping my distance from the hurtful people who insist upon hurting me by ignoring the boundaries I set.

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