Have you ever had a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a parent, sibling, cousin, or the like, who told you who you were? I don't mean tentatively asked you if you thought you were this way because of birth order or some traumatic event, but summed you up and explained you to you and why you were wrong in your decisions or life choices. It isn't cool, my friend, it doesn't feel good. It feels creepy and sickening.
There is someone I know who has done that to me for years, told me who I was. From my perspective this behavior is remembering shared memories and complaints and adding them together and using them to explain to me why I am flawed, why I am wrong and why problems are all my fault. It is manipulation and control. I am sick of it. I am sick of it especially because I bought into it for so long. I thought I was at least partially to blame, that it was my fault, that I was the messed up one.
For me the deadly part of it is that the events used against me are ones I freely shared. I shared my heart, instead I got it served back to me grilled and cut into little pieces. Who would do that? Who would call that love?
My part in this is that I let it happen. I let someone wound me like that. I wasn't able to see it for what it was. Analyzing someone else to tell them their faults and how they are wrong is not love. It isn't nice or friendly or helpful. It hurts.