Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Responsiblity to and for Others

How much responsibility do I have for others?  This is a question I ponder.  Responsibility is both one of my strengths and one of my character defects.  I was praised a lot in my growing up years for the way I cared for the younger siblings and babysat.  I have been trusted to shop for people I barely knew and asked to hold onto things for people who were strangers to me. I did and I do a lot for my family.

As an adult I have gladly taken on roles and jobs that demonstrated that responsible characteristic.  I haven't always liked the things I was responsible for, but I took satisfaction in my ability to be counted on and to get the job done.

But, more and more all those responsibilities weighed on me like a curse.  I have been stressed out and have given away parts of my life to serve others.  I delayed my dreams and my hopes and my desires, or some of them.  I no longer felt pride or praised by the responsible things I did.  I found that more and more and more was demanded of me.  I was doing things for others that they could do for themselves.  I was doing more than my part.

An element of the depression that was diagnosed last year, I went to counseling/12 step/ spiritual guidance to help me get my life back on track, I have learned that responsibility is fine in a measure.  I don't have to be careless and thoughtless and selfish.  But, it is not my job to take care of others when they should be able to take care of themselves.  I need to mind my own hula hoop.  I need to take care of my own concerns.  This is my dilemma, how to kindly release myself from demands that were made of me?  How to find my way and live my life.  I pray about this a lot.  Day by day, God is showing me the way.

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