Saturday, January 16, 2016

Exploding Head

I am on the record in court as being severely depressed.  I don't believe that this is true.  Taking a low dose of anti-depressant doesn't make one depressed.  It makes one un-depressed.  Being depressed is not just a sad feeling.  That is part of it, but the sad feeling has to be so strong, so pervasive that it interferes with life function.  Given the strange circumstances of my life, living largely homeless, listening to myself be slandered in court, not having or being able to access most of the stuff I need or want, I think my ability to function is fantastic.

People are so afraid of medications for depression that they judge the people who need these drugs as altered or crazy.  That is how I was presented in court.  With absolutely nothing to support the idea that I am severely depressed except I take medication, someone was allowed to say this about me.  It was permitted to stand out there on the record for all time.  My great grandchildren can read this lie about me.

I was an am angry about this.  It wasn't fair or nice.  It ain't no way to treat a lady.....  But, I could sit here angry enough that my head could explode, or I could work to distance myself from such cruel and thoughtless treatment.  I have chosen distance.  Forgiveness doesn't mean coming back to be hit in the head over and over again.  Forgiveness is about taking care of myself and finding ways to serenity.  Forgiveness is about me, not the one who would harm me.

So, give me a moment while my head explodes..........okay, thanks, now I need to do the things I need to do to keep myself safe and protected from harm......

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