Zeph 3:17-18 "The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a mighty savior, who will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in his love, Who will sing joyfully because of you, as on festival days." Father John Horn began his talk to the Area Wide Prayer Meeting in July with this Scripture. God sings over you, over me, rejoices in us, renews us in His love, as on festival days. That was something I needed to hear. Something I needed to know.
I would have said that I knew God's love, believed in God's love, but at the heart of it, some relationships and events in my life had left doubt in my unconsciousness. I prayed and I believed, but I didn't trust in joy. I trusted fearfully. I my core I felt that maybe what God wanted for me would hurt so much that I couldn't bear it. I had been pushed right to the end of that before. I thought perhaps God had too much faith in my ability to stand hardship and pain. I didn't think He was listening well to my cries. I sometimes felt abandoned. I felt punished and brought low.
But after listening to Father Horn I was able to take a change in perspective. God loved me so much that He was singing over me. God rejoiced in me. And through the tough times when I am holding on with a thread, I often stop and imagine God holding my head and singing over me. I picture myself as God's beloved. And I can feel that image as powerfully real.
In those moments when I feel downtrodden and put upon and sad, I can let go of the feeling that it is my fault and if I made different choices everything would be better. This is a fallen world. There will be pain. Even the people you love most will inflict harm. But, God is singing over me. God rejoices in me. God will renew me. And I am growing in trust that God has it under His plan and I don't have to second guess my choices or take things as my responsibility that aren't. I am even beginning to sit there while God sings over me and sing back to Him.