I am not one of those people who could play the game of shutting my eyes and falling backwards for someone to catch me. A game like that seems foolish to me. Why trust people in that way? People are so likely to miss and see me fall and say oopsie, I missed, giggle, giggle. At least that is the way I picture it. I know that I myself am always totally responsible. Even I miss sometimes. Don't take foolish chances would be my motto.
I was praised as a child for my self-reliance and my responsibility. I took it on as a virtue, but like most virtues, when overdone, it becomes weakness. It becomes a fault. I am trying to let go and let God more in my life. I am trying just to be and not to be in charge. It is hard sometimes.
I find it especially hard to let go and have trust with people who have let me down or showed me their selfish side or have hurt me in past dealings. I am coming to an understanding that only God is completely worthy of my trust. People will let me down, serve themselves, and hurt me sometimes. It is the way of this world.
But, the lesson I am trying to learn is this--I don't have to pick up the slack for everyone else. I need to do my part and work for the things that I want and the things I know are right. If someone else isn't going to hold up their end, it isn't personally letting me down. It is not up to me to do it for them or correct their mistake. I can help out, but I am not in charge.
Through coming to this understanding, I am also growing in faith. God has a plan and I need to let it unfold. I need to trust in the mystery of this life and not to drive myself so hard. I am trying to sit and listen to the whispers and to see the truth in the way of my life.