Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Footsteps

You know the story about the footsteps in the sand?  In summary-- Two sets of footsteps when you were walking with Christ, then one set of footsteps and you thought you were going it alone and it turned out Christ was carrying you.

Well, that.  And I have spent a lot of time in the past few years in foot pain of one kind or another.  It is discouraging.  I point the finger at myself and say--If you could just get skinny and stay there, then a lot of the problem would lessen.  I blame myself.  Christ carries me then, at those times.

In the past year I have fought with a stage 3 Achilles injury and plantar fasciitis on my left foot.  It was a foot that took a big hit in childhood and has always bothered me to some extent.  A year ago I was given a brace.  I wore it all the time.  Eventually I walked like I had a broken leg and injured my right knee to the extent I needed a shot to take down the swelling. 

The biggest problem with the brace was that it just seemed to make everything worse.  The plantar fasciitis reared its ugly head and I was in so much pain I didn't know what I could do. I was given a shot in the heel.  I was sent for physical therapy.  PT was great and useless.  The stretches helped a lot but the exercises caused pain without fail.  So I was "graduated" from therapy. I quit the brace.

I still do the stretches and sometimes the exercises but I am not very good about the twice daily prescription for them.  I am losing weight very slowly.  I have learned how to elevate and ice and rest and wrap that foot.  Maybe it will gradually get better.  Or maybe not.  I have learned to live with it to some extent.

I am learning to look past it, this problem.  I am trying to let myself feel the pain of aging and diminishing abilities and past problems that continue to be crosses for me.  And I am trying to wrap myself in the knowledge that God loves me as I am, this chubby, aging daughter of His.  I try to forgive, accept and love myself in my infirmity.  There is nothing in this life I go through alone.

No comments: