Saturday, April 19, 2014

Taking Stock on Holy Saturday

I sat at Adoration after the service on Holy Thursday and felt so disappointed in myself this Lent.  In part I was just exhausted, and I tend to beat up on myself in those circumstances.  But, in part, I didn't achieve the Lenten growth I had hoped for.  I am not sure what that was, but I didn't feel that it had happened.

Some years I give something up that becomes a permanent habit.  Some years I find a real devotion to prayer.  Some years I have found ways to be charitable and kind.  But, some years, like this one, I just feel a little unfocused.  I sat in Adoration asking Christ what I was supposed to learn?  What was there for me this Lent?  I never really heard the answer.

My spiritual director this week asked what I wanted for Eastertide.  I didn't have an answer.  But, perhaps that time in Adoration on Holy Thursday was not in vain, because while I am a little unsure exactly what I learned or how I grew this Lent, I am sure that this Eastertide I want another measure of the Holy Spirit.  I want more of the gifts and talents and I want to use them to bring forth God's Kingdom.

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