I sat at Adoration after the service on Holy Thursday and felt so disappointed in myself this Lent. In part I was just exhausted, and I tend to beat up on myself in those circumstances. But, in part, I didn't achieve the Lenten growth I had hoped for. I am not sure what that was, but I didn't feel that it had happened.
Some years I give something up that becomes a permanent habit. Some years I find a real devotion to prayer. Some years I have found ways to be charitable and kind. But, some years, like this one, I just feel a little unfocused. I sat in Adoration asking Christ what I was supposed to learn? What was there for me this Lent? I never really heard the answer.
My spiritual director this week asked what I wanted for Eastertide. I didn't have an answer. But, perhaps that time in Adoration on Holy Thursday was not in vain, because while I am a little unsure exactly what I learned or how I grew this Lent, I am sure that this Eastertide I want another measure of the Holy Spirit. I want more of the gifts and talents and I want to use them to bring forth God's Kingdom.