I suppose that I am a slow learner, or that this has finally come to me later in life, but I have found peace and contentment in my life. This is even when circumstances, other people, or events are not going my way.
I have spent many years struggling. I have schemed and worked and planned and demonstrated and done various things. Letting go and letting God was the position of last resort in my life. My strong sense of personal responsibility and my assurance of my ability to overcome, to alter outcomes, to change circumstances and to be determined got in my way of letting go and letting God.
I have now recognized that in my greatest strengths dwelt my greatest weakness. I am a do-er. I get things done and I keep busy. I worked for things and prayed hard for things. Usually I was most aware of God in my failed plans and unrealized expectations. When things hit the fan I was finally aware that God had a different plan. On those occasions when things went well, I praised Him. But, I patted myself on the back as well.
God still speaks to me that way sometimes in the disasters. On Wednesday when my plans for a mobile library on a cart that would have been bad for my weak foot came crashing down, I went in the staff restroom and cried and prayed. God spoke to me there in the restroom that I couldn't do what I couldn't do. Without a working computer, my plans were toast. I was kicked out of my library for special ed testing and would be for the foreseeable future. I wanted to go home. I wanted to quit. I dried my eyes and went out to face the day.
I sat in my roller chair in the lobby of my school, because that is as far as I got with my cart and my chair and my non-working computer and I prayed. As I sat there and prayed, it came to me. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I set up my "library annex" right there in the lobby. Everybody who comes in and out of the school sees me. The kids can find me. Sitting there instead of pushing the cart around is easy on my foot. And if I need I book I don't have on the cart, I can often sneak into my library to get it.
This is where the right relationship with God comes in, I need to pray. I need to listen to the call. When things aren't going according to my plans, I need to listen. If I follow God's plans and accept them and embrace them, they will be the best for me. God has a plan. I need to pray and listen more. Without becoming a completely different person and giving up the person I am, I can do less and serve God better. The key is to stay in prayer and trust that God loves me despite my present circumstances.