It is my custom to attend Mass on this day for the Holy Innocents. I lost my very last baby on this day 26 years ago. I go to celebrate that brief life and ask her to pray for me. I go to pray for all the women who have lost babies and who want babies. It is a glad day of tears for me.
There is nothing that prepares one for the loss of a child. There is no getting over it. At least that is what I think. For me the pain is still there, the longing to hold that baby. But, that baby is with Jesus and will never experience pain or sadness, only joy and glory. I am glad for that, but sad for me. And happy for me too. Time and distance dull the pain on most days, except this one.
I was spared that day, when that ectopic pregnancy ended. Hormone tests showed that the baby was dead. A century earlier and it would have killed me also, but I got to live and raise my son and have all the joys and sorrows of life.
Most of the time I don't think of her, that child I lost, but on the feast of the Holy Innocents I celebrate her brief life.