Saturday, December 28, 2013

Holy Innocents

It is my custom to attend Mass on this day for the Holy Innocents.  I lost my very last baby on this day 26 years ago.  I go to celebrate that brief life and ask her to pray for me.  I go to pray for all the women who have lost babies and who want babies.  It is a glad day of tears for me.

There is nothing that prepares one for the loss of a child.  There is no getting over it.  At least that is what I think.  For me the pain is still there, the longing to hold that baby.  But, that baby is with Jesus and will never experience pain or sadness, only joy and glory.  I am glad for that, but sad for me.  And happy for me too. Time and distance dull the pain on most days, except this one.

I was spared that day, when that ectopic pregnancy ended.  Hormone tests showed that the baby was dead.  A century earlier and it would have killed me also, but I got to live and raise my son and have all the joys and sorrows of life.

Most of the time I don't think of her, that child I lost, but on the feast of the Holy Innocents I celebrate her brief life.

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